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Once I grew out of a fearful, clingy childhood spent in thrall to the Sonic Logo Georgia shirt and I will buy this risk of car accidents or black mold, I began to realize that it wasn’t socially permissible to constantly melt down about the potential of things going awry. Thus, I became a bummer masquerading as a cheerful person, someone forcing a mega-chill attitude over a seething mass of insecurity and angst. Want to go skinny-dipping in the campus river at midnight? Sure, let me just tamp down my racing thoughts about hypothermia and amputation and that one scene in A Walk to Remember where the guy jumps into the water and gets hurt, and I’ll be right there.
As you might imagine, this double-layer of personality wasn’t always a treat for my psyche, and it took years of therapy to help me get over some of my more irrational terrors. Still, I partly trace my sense of “Eh, we’re all going to die but who cares?” flippancy to my Jewish lineage. (How many times have gallows humor and self-deprecation saved us? If the Sonic Logo Georgia shirt and I will buy this joke only landed, dayenu.) Working as a journalist enhanced some of this tendency, too—after all, when you have half an hour to report on a horrific crime or draft an obit, you get used to compartmentalizing.
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